Am I gay? The term “gay for the stay” is prison related but, it happens quite often during active drug addiction. Let me explain. There is a huge difference between being a drug addict in the suburbs or country compared to being a drug addict in the big city. I know this from personal experience. In the city, women are much more extreme and it’s a whole different world for an addict. Or maybe it’s just that the disease seems to progress quicker. Women are quick to take it to the next level, at least it seems. Many women form relationships with other females in active drug addiction but, will sware up and down that they are not a lesbian. At the time, you may claim to be bisexual but, just for the time being.
Addicts have a different way of thinking, a different mindset, and homosexuality is just another thing that comes into play in active addiction. I know this personally. Have you ever been in a female – female relationship during your addiction? Did you relate as bisexual or just gay for the stay? Are you embarrassed now that you look back on it? Why do people do this in active addiction if they really have no sexual tendencies or emotional feelings towards a person of the same-sex? Oh boy, well let me tell you all about it. All about having a same-sex relationship in active addiction. Don’t be shocked. It happens more often than you would care to know.
Now, this is extremely personal and it took some time to share this but, it needs to be known so others can resonate with me. If you know of my story, my opiate addiction began in my late teens in the suburbs of a big city. Once, I ended up in the ghettos of the big city, it was a whole other ball game. I was becoming a regular at the local county jail which was pretty damn big. I lived in the 2nd largest city in the entire state. That is where I first came to realize how women pretend to be lesbians for their own personal gain.
Gay For The Stay?
What does that even mean, gay for the stay? It’s a reference to women in jail who develop an intimate relationship while incarcerated. Yet, as soon as they are free, out in the real world, they are no longer a lesbian. Most pretend as if the relationship never happened in prison. You see it happen all the time. These women are also referred to as commissary whores meaning they have no money to buy their own things so they pretend to have feelings for another female who has the necessities that they want. It’s jail, you automatically assume survival of the fittest. Right?
There are other reasons that women develop same-sex relationships while incarcerated.
- Companionship – No one likes to be alone if you’re there for quite some time, it’s always a plus to have a like-minded individual at your side.
- Caring – Most women naturally have caring, motherly instincts. Especially when forced to detox in jail. You are an emotional wreck and it’s nice to have someone to care for or to care for you.
- Sexual urges – Everyone gets horny, some women are forced, some are curious, or some are attracted to other girls. I mean in prison, you are only with the same-sex.
- Boredom – Simply, it’s something to pass the time. Pure amusement which isn’t right if someone else involves actual feelings.
- Friendship – You are more of close friends if you don’t perform sexual favors.
- Selfishness – You want to be the HBIC so, you do this so no one else can have her or her belongings.
Now, you might have a better understanding of why a woman in prison initially develops same-sex relationships. I suppose the same goes for males in prison. Yet, after talking with my husband. Females are more apt to having relationships despite not identifying as a lesbian.
During one of my first stays in a county jail, I met a girl there. She was on trial for murder and was totally against a girl on girl relationship. She thought it was sick and disgusting. Years later, I came to find out a shocking fact. Unfortunately, she got convicted of murder and was sentenced to life in prison. Now, in a state correctional facility for the remainder of her life. Mind you, she was in her early twenties when she got sentenced. A fellow inmate of hers told me that she was now a lesbian. In fact, her girlfriend was going up for parole but, instead signed papers to stay in prison to max out her sentence. She wanted to stay with her girlfriend. The point of me telling you this was that shit happens.
People change. It all depends on what is happening at that time. If a same-sex relationship is the only relationship possible then that’s the way it has to be. In situations such as that, most females will choose not to be alone.
Addiction is different. Yet, we do what is necessary.
As addicts, we become highly adaptable people. You can easily change your look, personality, or whatever you choose. This includes your sexual preference.
Bisexual or Not?
Besides in prison, addicts on the street also develop these types of relationships. Of course, this can also depend on the extent of your drug addiction.
Here is another personal example. Before my current relationship, I was with a female. Yes, I had a girlfriend. She was awesome. I did say I was bisexual at the time. Married with children, I do not consider myself bisexual now. Then, I did. I do think that women are absolutely beautiful. The reasons that I had a same-sex relationship in active addiction was for many of the same reasons as women are gay for the stay in jail.
- Someone to get high with
- Both contributed to the relationship and drug supply
- Never looked down on one another
- Satisfy sexual urges
- Emotional connection
Besides those reasons, there were a few more that I hate to disclose yet, let’s get real and raw, right? In the city, there are many girls who sell their body for drug money. If you are in a relationship with a male, they might not be too happy about this. If your man is fine with you prostituting then, there is a problem. He obviously does not care about you or what you do. He’s simply using you as a means to get his drugs.
Now, females do not look down on each other for doing what we must to get our drugs. In fact, we can work together. What is better than having two girls instead of one? All men think that girl on girl action is hot? It brings in more money, faster, and more clients. Plus, you work together. In a drug addict’s mind, it is a pretty damn good relationship.
Same-Sex Relationship In Active Addiction
Some females may decide that they really are a lesbian or bisexual. Hell, I’m attracted to females. I think the female body is gorgeous. Although, my views on having an official same-sex relationship may be drastically different from yours and that is a story for another time, my friend.
Most of these relationships can be looked at as “gay for the stay”. The relationships are only in play due to the person’s drug addiction. Typically, it’s this way with both individuals involved. Being bisexual or performing pleasurable favors for people of the same-sex is merely a way to get what it is you need. In this case, it’s getting money for dope. If it wasn’t for getting drugs, getting money for drugs, and using drugs, this would never happen. It would be the furthest thing from your mind.
Before you think it’s just a girl thing. Hold up. Here is another true story that happened during my addiction.
There was this man in his mid-twenties, good-looking, rough, and tough. Your classic bad boy. The downside is that he was a heroin addict but, no one messed with him or he would kick your ass. The women flocked to him even though he was homeless. He spent plenty of nights in hotels with a sugar mama. One night, he found me and wanted me to sell some pills for him. I was dope sick so, I obliged. After all of this, it was after 10 p.m. The city was dark but popping with all of the late night hoodlums, college kids going to parties, bar hoppers, and so on.
We walked around the city and he stopped in front of an adult store (a porn shop). He told me that it was time for him to work and he went on to explain what he meant, knowing I wouldn’t tell anyone. He stood outside of this adult store at night and cars would stop to pick him up. Then, he would perform sexual favors for drugs or for drug money. The thing was is that he was doing it for other men. His last comment was something along the lines of “You got to do what you got to do”. Personally, I was appalled. I couldn’t believe that he out of all people was doing this. I come to find out that quite a few men around the area where being “gay for the stay” to get money for dope.
Drug addiction drives us to do things that we wouldn’t normally do. As addicts, we justify everything, no matter what it is or how bad it is. To us, it’s a way of life including having a same-sex relationship in active addiction. It’s simply something we must do in order to get by.
Am I Really Into Girls?
So, now that you are clean and sober, how do you feel about this? Better yet, how do you feel about the same-sex? If you are in a relationship with a male and find yourself thinking about women. Maybe you watch a movie and feel frisky when watching the leading lady? If that’s the case, your gay for the stay moments in drug addiction may be a bit more.
If you feel more comfortable having a relationship with a woman then with a man, it may be more than a simple necessity or convenience. Quite possibly, it may be the real deal and what you truly want. If your still not sure which category you fall into. Or if it was due to being an inmate in jail, to get drugs, or purely a game. Let’s categorize you as BICURIOUS. This way, you can explore the world a bit more until you discover your true self. Being a lesbian is cool. So is being straight. It’s a personal choice. Do what is best for you. After all, this is your recovery. Do it your way. It’s your life.
Think about these questions and leave a comment.
Are you gay for the stay or are you really into same-sex relationships?
Was this just a ways and means to getting drugs or did you actually have feelings?
Are you curious or repulsed?
Can you communicate better with women? Is it intimate?